Did you know that, when compared by cubic centimeters, the sun is actually dimmer than a human body? You heard me right. Humans really are brighter than the sun. And today, I’m going to show the world my glow. Happy Friday :)
So I don’t know why, but as soon as college started, I began discovering a bunch of new hobbies of mine! I like rock climbing, photography/editing, and COFFEE! I started drinking it almost every day and it just makes me feel so alive and happy! I am currently on a Peppermint Mocha Starbucks rush and it feels lovely. I feel like I could do anythiiiiing!! I really want to get out and spend some energy right now. And I also feel like singing. And dancing. And just generally jumping around. Kaybye!
In a place where there could not be more people around me, I feel totally alone. My “best friends” are too absorbed in all the new people they’ve met to give a single damn about silly old me. I thought that I’d be the popular one in college. That I’d be the one making all the friends. I guess not. I suppose it was wrong to assume that my old friends would still like me. I’m probably blowing this all out of proportion, just like I always do. But I haven’t been to breakfast with anyone in weeks, I don’t eat lunch anymore, and I don’t eat dinner. I suppose not having friends is a good weight-loss plan. I really want to punch something right now. This is so frustrating. I try and try to reach out and do stuff with people, but no one is ever free, or they say they aren’t. I understand that people get busy in college, but she finds time to hang out with her other friends. I feel like crying. I can’t drag myself out of this.
At least I get to sleep in in the mornings. I don’t need to get out of bed to meet anyone.
This happens every freaking time. This has been happening since 6th grade. Am I really that boring? That weird? Why am I so easily replacable? I mean, would it kill you to reach out to ME for once? Anyone? I mean, you never text me to hang out, but you look down on your friends who branch out and find new people to hang out with. What am I supposed to do? What would please you, hmm? I like your new friends. I thought they liked me too. I dunno, doesn’t really seem like it to me. But when I asked you about it, you looked at me like I was crazy and told me, of course they like you. It sure doesn’t seem like you really like me all that much anymore, though.
You know, that person was right, that suggested to me that you liked gossipping way too much. I can’t imagine the things you’re saying about me right now. “I dunno, she just drifted away.” BULLSHIT. You’re the one that drifted. Whatever. I’ve tried way too hard. Next move is yours, chickadee.
…life really is pointless? What if we have all these expectations and rules set up for absolutely no reason other than to justify to ourselves that we are doing okay? What if humans are not the superior race after all? What if ants are the smartest, and we just think we know so much about everything? Who are we to decide what is an intelligent being and what is not? We only use 10% of our brainpower anyways, so why are we measuring intelligence the way we are? Instead, we should measure how much of the brain is used, like how much electricity the brain generates. I’m sure we wouldn’t be the smartest then. We have so much locked-up potential, I think. Maybe we have the power to read minds or teleport or move objects with out minds, but we somehow can’t access that. Maybe too much brainpower is not good. Maybe the people with the most brainpower have slowly died off, and those with less and less brainpower survive longer and have more children, and that’s why we can only use that 10%. I feel so restrained, like I could do so much more and be so much better. It’s also weird to think that one slight switch in your genes could make you such a different person. I mean, your genes dictate everything about you. What if my skin produced just a little bit more melanin? Would I still be insecure about how pale I am? Even if I was genetically mutated to be perfect, would I still find flaws in my appearance? Or would I be unhappy on the inside?
I’m very disappointed in what the media is doing. They exploit the insecurities of women of all ages; for the young, it’s acne, for the old, it’s wrinkles and age spots. They make sure that we are never happy with what we were born like. They give us the urge to constantly alter our appearance, and for what? Money. It’s all about money. If cosmetics were free, they wouldn’t be nearly as pushy with their advertising. Oh, yes, you want this, because it’ll make you pretty and people will like you and we’ll be rich! I’m really fed up with this need to be perfect. Guess what? No one will ever be perfect. Not even Cam Gigandet, although he’s pretty dang close… In 5 years, that pretty, petite blonde will not be the greatest thing since sliced bread. She will have herpes from sleeping around, probably be pregnant, might be an alcoholic, she might even be a crack addict. In 5 years, I will have a career, a degree, and a brain.
I feel better now. I know I’m making the right choices with my life.
-Why do I go for the weird guys? The ones with issues? Oh yeah, cause they’re smart and actually have a lot to say when it comes down to it. And somehow, they’re damn attractive.
-Ah, hunger. How I’ve missed you. In Flagstaff, I was never hungry. If I wanted food, it was always there. Bam. Go get it. I’d eat even if I wasn’t hungry just so I wasn’t wasting meal plans. But I’m okay with being hungry. It’s a familiar feeling, one I welcome. It means being skinny again…
-I. Want. To. Go. Clubbing. I want to really be 18. I wanna do “mature” shit. But I know that I’ll only be this young for so long. My time will come when I will want nothing more than to be 18 and innocent again.
-I have a beautiful family. They’re all so pretty.
-Road trips are my favorites. Ashleigh and Alli are so fun to drive with. GIRLTALK!
-Back to boys. Oy. What is up, Flagstaff. Seriously. Stahp.
-Tucson is my favorite too. It will always be my home. I just love the place.
That’s all for now.
So, it’s coming out day, apparently, and I feel like I should get something off my chest.
I’m straight. Totally, completely straight. I have never even considered going lesbian, bi, or anything of the nature. I just am not physically or sexually attracted to females.
But I am completely supportive of anyone who is LGBTQA. I love that in America, for the most part, people have the freedom to love whomever they fall in love with.
That’s all. :)
Welp, I discovered today when writing in my NAU 100 class about my major, that I don’t like my major. It isn’t what I expected it to be. So, I’m officially switching to Advertising! I really wanted to work with the media, and change the way people look at beauty. I didn’t even think about going into Business, and I guess I could get an advertising job with a Marketing degree, but I want to learn all about how the media world works. I’m very excited, which is a good sign. Wish me luck!